Self-Sabotage

Why is it that we set ourselves up? It would be nice if someone could tell me why.  I not only see it in myself, I have witnessed it in my husband, son, daughter, and brother as well as anyone else I come into contact with.  We are aware of it but do nothing about it.  Okay, maybe not everyone is aware but I know I am.   It is a conscious choice that I make.  It's almost as if I'm drawn to it.  I cannot quite decide if it's a comfort thing.  What is that saying,"Better the devil you know than the one you don't."  That carries with it a scent of insanity.

My husband and I were having a conversation about this very thing.  We were talking about the comfort some find in abusive relationships.  Sounds nuts but people stay in these relationships out of fear.  It may not come from the same source that you think it does.  They are afraid of what their life would be like without all of that craziness.  In that relationship they know what's going to happen.  To break out of that relationship is difficult because it's the unknown.

You can apply this theory to anything.  For example, I have a son who somewhat consistently sets himself up for failure.  He's a good student but every semester he does something to sabotage his success.  It's not that he didn't give it his all on a particular project, paper, homework,.. he didn't do anything in some instances.  A zero on a project tells me, tells his teacher and tells himself that 0 was done.  We've been through all of this before.  At least 4 times since the 5th grade.  He's now in the 8th grade.  He knows better.  I know that compared to the previous example this is not as volatile or is it?  It stems from the same thing and sets him up for failure every time.  After talking with him he let me know that  he was afraid. If he were to turn into that straight A student, which he is perfectly capable of, how would he be treated differently?  How would this affect him?

 I can say the same thing about myself and my struggle with losing weight.  I would like to drop 20 pounds but what would that mean?  Obviously that would require more exercise, less food and a better attitude but although that's scary that isn't the scariest thing.   For 5 years I've been in the cycle I'm in of on again off again exercise, eating okay most of the time and wishing that I was thinner/more in shape than I am.

  It would be difficult to change and do I really want to?  If I did, what else would change?  How I'm received by those I encounter on a routine basis would change for a little while but how I'm treated in public, especially in retail stores,  would change more permanently.  Believe it or not I have lived the truth of that one in particular.

Why would I decide that I have had enough of the extra weight and then within an hour devour 3 different snacks?  Not all of them are horrible snacks but bad enough because I'm not hungry.  Everything I know goes out the window in that moment.   Later, upon reflection, I realize that it's emotional eating.  I'm taking a break from feeling because I don't want to feel.  Feeling is hard and it is so draining.  Eating when I'm not hungry, on the other hand,  doesn't start out exhausting but it definitely ends that way. On top of feeling like crud, the feelings I was trying to avoid come back to me even stronger and louder than before.  That's when my mood shifts as well and I start attacking the ones I love.

Self-Sabotage is just easier for some. We already know how-to go about it.  Some of us are pretty good at it.  What are your thoughts?

Fear of the Unknown

Being out in the ocean you never know what you might encounter; the brush of a crab, the sight of a dolphin fins or the dive bombing pelican.  The later I witnessed safely from my place on the beach, with the rest of the family enjoying the brief turbulence  of the waves.  Periodically I would look up from my book just to make certain everyone was where they should be.  Glancing up I had to do a double take to make certain I was seeing what I thought I was seeing.  Sure enough a pelican came barreling down on them.  It looked close but I was told later it had only gotten within 5 feet.  Boy was I glad I was still on the beach.  My son recanted the exact wingspan which was 15 feet.  He's also 13 so most things in his life are extended or stretched.  My husband is puzzled as to where this characteristic comes from.  :0)

Now my 10 year-old has not developed that style of telling stories.  Usually she just tells you as it is, without embellishment. Which is why I did believe what she told me but wasn't really able to offer anything up besides, "It's the ocean.  Things are going to brush up against you."  I think if she could see what it was she would have felt better about it.  She was, in her words, "Lightly pinched by a crab." Being out there in the ocean with her didn't make her feel any better and she carefully and methodically made her way to the beach.  I felt bad but also it was a little funny.  She wasn't hurt and the pinchers left no mark except on her pride. Something got the best of her and she didn't like it. 


 Later, due to the crab incident, my daughter felt the need for me to Google "The daily life of a crab." She wanted to make certain that crab, or any other crab for that matter, would not invade her space tomorrow.  "Crabs only come out at night when the tide comes in." This satisfied her until the next morning.  

We got up, ate breakfast and headed to the boardwalk leading to our spot on the beach. There is a small pond by the entrance to the boardwalk and occasionally you can see a turtle's head pop up and small fish swimming around.  My son pointed out the turtles, several of them this time.  As my daughter bent over to take a closer look my son added,"Hey, there's a crab in there too!  A BIG blue one!"  My cover story was blown but it was all okay in the end.  Her enthusiasm for the surf overwhelmed her fear of the sea creatures.  All is good.