The Fine Art of Complaining

Ginger is soon to be 7

I've been inspired, by another blogger,  to write about the fine art of complaining.  Their story was a bit technical in nature but basically said complaining isn't good for you.  Just in case you are interested here is the link, gillisfitnessconsulting.com.
 Their entry has very legitimate points.  Here are a few glowing reviews of those points from my perspective.

Ruffles is the old man of the bunch at 10 or 11

Okay, first of all the only members of my household that don't complain are my dogs.  My older dogs that is.   The puppy still complains in her own way.  She's in her kennel now because I really have things to do, like write.  I can't write and chase, retrieve things from a puppy mouth, keep her from eating the sofa as well as protect my older dog from her puppy teeth. Take a look at her picture. She looks scary but really isn't possessed and she doesn't have cataracts.  I'm still learning how to take a picture.  I'm 45.  You would think I would have an understanding of the basics of photography by now. 

Bella is the devil puppy.  She'll be 7 months old soon.

As I'm writing,  the whimpering and whining, while she is in her kennel,  is almost unbearable.  It reminds me of when my kids were babies and felt they were being tortured (restricted) while in their crib, carseat or Exersaucer.  In particular, my daughter.  No, we didn't put her in a kennel. Although...  Her Exersaucer was kind of like a portable kennel.  It allowed me to shower occasionally. 


When she was an infant/toddler/preteen she wanted to be with me all of the time.  I'm not complaining, only stating a fact.  I'm a stay-at-home mom.  This truly means that she could be with me 24/7.  Now that she's in school that is a little harder for her to do. When she was a toddler, her room at night was like a jail and her crib was her cell.  Very fitting because she was also an escape artist.  Many a morning I would find her next to me. I'm not complaining!


 As the article in Pure Women's Fitness stated, complaining is not healthy for anyone. The more people you complain to, the more people are fed and the more the complaining continues at an alarming rate.
As the years have flown by the whining, huffs and puffs, sighs, moans and groans, head thrusts, head banging, feet stomping, and verbal assaults continue.  It isn't all of the time.  Usually when one member of the family isn't complaining the other one is. When it's at it's best,  complaining is like a chess game.  


If I do/say _____  I hope they will notice and do ______. 






My husband and I started the game of hidden complaints.  We are filtering what we say but figure out other ways to get our complaint across.  It looks like my son will finish it with a combo of implied discontent and in your face verbiage.  He's working on his filter. When my husband and I complain we would probably say that we aren't complaining.  We are only stating a fact.  


On the subject of dinner-


My son...


                                Son: "Mom, what are we having for dinner?"
                                 Me: "Baked chicken, asparagus and a salad."
                                Son: "Please don't tell me it's crock pot chicken.Crock pot chicken is completely disgusting.  It makes me want to throw up.  Okay, now I can't eat dinner."


My husband...


                         Husband: "What's for dinner?" (I sense in his tone, and the pleading in his eyes,  he's hoping I'll suggest going out for Mexican)
                                 Me: "Baked chicken, asparagus and a salad."
                         Husband: "Ohhh"  


Now how motivated do you think I am to come up with something other than microwave quick or take out? Not that I'm complaining or anything. What are some of your complaints?

NCLB: The Forgotten Ones

Initially,  No Child Left Behind (NCLB) gave me hope. I was hopeful that this was the government's promise to take education seriously, leaving behind the focus on dollars and numbers. I was hopeful that no child would be left behind, giving every child an opportunity for success. The reality is this is not the case. Never did I think I would come to distrust this bill and everything it now represents.

It seems NCLB caters to students and schools who fit into a mold of either average students or above average students or those students that need more than a little help.  What happens to the students who are not socio-economically disadvantaged or special needs? What happens to those students who need a little help to be on grade level? Are those students getting the help they need? Does NCLB provide help to this segment of students? 

NCLB has forced public schools to place too much importance on the Criterion-Referenced Competency Test (CRCT).  The CRCT is a standardized test given to students in April, usually right after Spring Break here in Georgia.   This test, that most parents start hearing about in August and that teachers start prepping the kids for in August, is supposed to measure how well students are doing and how well teachers are teaching. In the 3rd, 5th, 7th and 8th grades the student's individual scores are used as a way to determine if the student needs to be retained or should be promoted. In my experience it is almost solely used to place students. If you ask administration they will deny it unless they are pressed.  

Did you know that CRCT scores not only place students but rank schools? If the school's overall score is a "passing" one,  they receive more funds.  They receive more money than a school that does not perform well. What about the school that performs poorly but is in disparate need of more funding, to be able to get more help to the students who need it?  Are the student's needs the priority? They should be.

Where is the focus? I sympathize with the teachers because their focus has had to shift as well. Teachers are bound by what seems like a mountain of test preparations which begin months before the test actually takes place. They want to make certain their students score well.  Do teachers feel like they have to teach only things that might be on the test or "teach to the test?" NCLB seems to be pushing toward this goal.  As an added pressure, these scores are being used to reflect how well teachers teach.  What about the kids who have test anxiety and just do not test well? What about the children who are learning to speak and understand English?  They take the same test everyone else does. Their scores are figured into the overall score as well.  How  accurate is the reflection now? 

We, as parents and guardians,  need to advocate for our children. The most important thing we can do is speak out, stay informed, stay in touch with our child's teachers and vote.  Schedule parent meetings, look over the school work your children bring home to see if there are discrepancies between what you know about your child and what you are seeing. I encourage everyone to start doing this today!  So much is being taken away from our children's educational experience, regarding time and resources, that those caring for school aged children need to fill in the gaps.  If we do not step in, the children who were not left behind in the beginning will be in the end. 

Teenagers!

I don't really know what it is.  Is it the fact that he moves so slow that you can't even tell he's moving?  Is it the fact that he doesn't place things in the priority that I do?  Like making sure assignments are turned in at school.

He continues to do things the way he wants to do them. I know this because I am notified of this.  Parents who live in the county, have access to their students grades.  Grades and absences are provided for students in elementary school through high school.  You can also have the school shoot you an email if a grade drops below a certain threshold or if the student is absent or tardy.  This is an excellent way for parents to stay in touch with the school and on top of what's going on with their student.  It's helpful but there are periods of time I feel as if I'm being assaulted.  Sometimes it seems like a never ending dictation of where his priorities are.  Really!!  He doesn't miss class so how could he have an NHI (needs to hand in)? If you studied,  how could you make a 50% on a test?  The thing is he is an honor roll student.  He pulls a rabbit out of his hat right before progress reports or report cards come out.  I know, I know.  He gets things done his way.  He is finding his way.  I, in the meantime, am pulling my hair out.  I also know I'm not alone.  I've tried taking things away but he's 15.  There isn't a whole lot I can take away because the things I think matter to him really don't matter to him.  


Is it the fact that cleaning to him is rearranging things on his bathroom counter.  Sometimes he makes me crazy!  No, really. I removed his hamper from his room because his dirty clothes end up a foot in front of his hamper. Why have a hamper if you don't use it?  I guess he just didn't have the time to flip up the top of the hamper to toss things in.  Oh wait, his hamper doesn't even have a lid. Essentially it's a basket.   He could be playing basketball.  All he has to do is toss the clothes in.


Trash can?  Who needs a trash can in your bathroom when there is a big one under the bed.  You wouldn't believe what I have found under there.  There are remnants of Halloween 2010, I'm sure of it.  I vowed I wouldn't clean his room anymore.  What I mean is clean it my way.  I know, that sounds awful but I actually dust furniture and the floor and use cleaning products. I take care of the tub and toilet, wipe the dog's  nose prints from his windows and stop to pick up the remaining clothes off of the floor.  Actually I have stopped doing these things, for the most part.  I have, however, stopped doing his laundry so either he is doing his own laundry or he's wearing clothes that really should be laundered (yuck!).


There are moments, however,  that are utter bliss.  When I come home from grocery shopping,  he regularly comes out to greet me.  He comes out not just to see what's going on but to help me unload all of those groceries.  We are a family of four so there are a lot of groceries.  Additional trips to and from the car are required. I don't even have to ask and I can tell he doesn't mind.


 There are moments when he comes to me knowing that I need a hug.  He might need one too,  but he seems to sense when I need one.  He gives the most genuine hugs!


There are moments when he consoles his younger sister.  He lets her know that everything will be okay.  He also tries to stop her from doing things he doesn't think she should be doing.  It's so comforting to know that he truly has her back.  The day before they might have been ready to rip each other apart.


 There are moments when he speaks what is on his heart. One moment like this was when he told me he doesn't like school.  He doesn't like the way kids treat one another at school.   I told him that all he can do is be concerned with how he treats other people.  He said,"I know mom, but it's hard to watch."  It brought tears to my eyes.


He really is a good kid.  I should be thankful that he is a beautiful soul and not make the little things my priority. What do you think?

Get Your Chick On!

Today my husband left for Louisville. This trip is part pleasure and part work.  He went to spend time with his family and to do some work while he's there.

The day didn't start off too well for him though. Yesterday's events collided with today's. My son left for school upset and soon after that episode my husband kissed me good-bye and he began his journey.  

 In an effort to console his soul he tried to find a Chick-Fil-A.  He loves to have a Chick-Fil-A chicken biscuit about once a week.  He decided to search for one after he had been driving about a half an hour.  Good luck.  There might be a Starbucks on most corners  but in North GA and TN  the  Chick-Fil-A's are few and far between.  He tried though.  A chicken biscuit from Chick-Fil-A along with their award winning coffee, at least in my husband's opinion, would restore his attitude and strengthen his resolve.  He knew he would be able to make it if he just found a Chick-Fil-A before it was too late. The breakfast clock was ticking.

Driving north on interstate 75, he began looking for the billboards and state signs to direct him to the nearest location.  This did not prove to be helpful.  He consulted the GPS but claimed that it didn't even have Chick-Fil-A in the data bank.  I was shocked! Come to find out later he was spelling Chick without the second C.  No Chick-Fil-A?  

Before he called me for some much needed compassion, he put a call into his  office.  He didn't want to call me unless he had to.  You'll understand why in a moment.  He spoke to several members of his staff asking them to track down a Chick-Fil-A.  This assignment was time sensitive, breakfast in the world of fast food is generally over at 10:30. My guess is this was a conference call in order speaker to make an efficient use of his time.  Also. the more people he had on the assignment the better chance  that he could find the location he was in desperate need of.   I'm sure when he first called he did not let on to what his actual intent was.  He probably claimed he was  "just checking in" to see what was going on in his absence.  Then towards the end of the conversation he most likely did a usual segue of "Oh, by the way" which is when he gets to the heart of the matter. This time the heart of the matter was finding a Chick-Fil-A and now.    They came up with 2 locations. He envisioned himself pulling through the drive-thru.  

The first location said it was in a remote part of TN.  He was determined to find it but without the GPS.  He forgot to get an address but was told it was right off of the interstate at a particular exit.  He finally arrived at the exit, with his mouth watering, he made a left turn and "What? No Chick?"  Then he went the other direction but it was all for naught  because there wasn't any sign of a Chick.  

He was devastated but still pressed on.  He had 20 minutes until breakfast was no longer.  He really wasn't in the mood for a chicken sandwich, which is what Chick-Fil-A serves at lunchtime.   He got back on the interstate and drove 3 exits north to his next presumed destination.  Just as he was getting ready to go down the exit ramp he looked down at the clock in disbelief.   I think at that time I actually heard him yell, "NOOOOO!"  The clock in the car read 10:55.  Breakfast ends at 10:30.   I guess it didn't occur to him to verify the time on his phone.  He should have.

Here is the best part. I didn't have the heart to remind him that in TN, that part anyway,  they are an hour behind us.  By the time he called me to give me the low down it was 10:30.  It wouldn't have done any good to tell him anyway.  He just would have been more upset.  Oh well!   I told him that next time he would have to plan his trip around Chick-Fil-A locations and their hours of operation.  

Maybe before he heads back on Monday he can stop at the Chick in Louisville :0)

An Update:  It's the next day and my husband is in Louisville heading in to work at the branch in downtown Louisville.  He sends me this text:

                  Husband:    Hey, did you say there was a Chick close to the mall?

                  Me:          Y, it's a free-standing one

                  Husband:    Headed that way now-  YEAH!  :)

                  Husband:    Nooooo, they open @ 6:30 here-AAAAAA (it's 5:35)

                  Me:          I'm sorry :0(    (Not really)

             (TIME IS NOW 6:27)

                  Me:          It's almost 6:30 now. Maybe I'll go get a biscuit.

                  Husband:    Haha!!  Don't worry- I am here waiting.  I will not be    denied my Chick!   I am on a mission!

                  Me:           Wow! that's some motivation.

                  Husband:   Got my chick on!

                    

We All Have "Issues"

I just don't understand.  Our sweet cute little puppy, and she is sweet, lost it.  Her intoxicating puppy breath has now turned toxic.  It seems it happened sometime during the night.  I wonder if that is going to be her "issue."  We all have issues.  My family is not immune to them.  My pets are members of our family so they are not immune to them.   

Our first cat had a bit of a weight problem.  He was very large and very lazy.  He weighed 24 pounds.  I really don't think we fed him too much.  I think he was just "big boned". If I can round up a picture of him, I will share.

Our second cat, the one that we recently had put to sleep, was high strung.  She also had stinky breath.  Really stinky breath. Along with the bad breath came an attitude problem.  No one could get near her.  After or during the beginnings of the attitude problem came the litter box problem. Went I scooped every morning and evening I would consistently find pee on the wall.  Then I discovered the hooded litter box.  That solved the pee on the wall problem.  Yes, I had a female cat that sprayed.  When I asked the vet about this phenomena , he would in turn ask me,"Are you sure she is spraying?"  I asked him if she was in fact spraying when I saw her lift her hind end up, spraying the wall with what appeared to be pee.  "Oh," he said.   He had heard of that but, ...

The next adoption occurred a few years back.  Ruffles was adopted from a rescue.  He is sweet but a bit skiddish.  Ruffles is a Jack Russell that is not like your typical Jack.  He loves curling up on the couch.  He also doesn't like to have his feet touched. When he gets in bed you can't move him or you will lose fingers.When he's tired he's grumpy.  He takes a lot of naps.  I call him my little old man.  Maybe it's because of his Andy Rooney eyebrows.   Soon after we brought him home he would mark everything.  I wouldn't mind so much if it were all outside but it isn't.  Not only does he pee on things lying on the floor, he randomly just pees on the floor.  Nice.  I spent more time than I can tell you cleaning.  One time he was in the upstairs landing while the rest of us were downstairs watching TV.  We heard something that sounded like water running.  Of course I'm the one who jumps up to find out what the heck is going on.  I go into the foyer and see pee shooting from between the spindles upstairs down to the floor in front of me.  Really? We all love him though.

The dog we picked up from the Atlanta Humane Society was a gorgeous puppy named Spice.  We immediately felt Spice just wasn't the right name.  We renamed her another spice, Ginger. Spice was too generic.  She was, I mean is, cute.  It didn't take long to train her and the two dogs seemed to get along just fine.  This is before Ruffles started peeing on things.  


By this time we only had one cat, Zoie.  She was elderly and stayed upstairs.  The dogs stayed downstairs except at night. Anyway, we soon found out that Ginger would eat anything.  I do mean anything.  She has eaten concrete, carpeting, toys, and yes even her own poop.  The first time she ate her poop I couldn't move.  I couldn't do anything.  I couldn't believe it.  I even talked to the vet about this.  Apparently he knew of this issue also, like the female cat spraying, but hadn't actually encountered a client with a pet that did that. 


 I decided to watch a little Caesar Millan to see if anyone else had the same problem.  Nothing.  I researched the subject online and a couple of Caesar's books.  I do love that man! Somewhere along my journey researching something was said about bananas.  Feed a dog bananas and this will cure them.  Not true.  Bananas are apparently the only thing Ginger won't eat.  You could tell she thought they were disgusting.  It was almost as if she were being forced to eat her own poop. I guess I should be grateful she only occasionally does this.






Now there's Bella.  So cuddly yet with moments of intense fire.  She's a beautiful combination of bulldog persistence and  pitbull lovability.  Once we get past the puppy months we'll see what other "issues" come up.  Hopefully it will only be her breath :0)

Hippity, Hoppity, ...

Our little baby turns 5 months old.  Time has truly flown.  So far she has been a really good puppy.  This is probably one of the last times we will see her hippity hop up the stairs.  So sweet!  Now if I can only remember how sweet she is  when she wakes me at 3 in the morning needing to go outside, wakes again at 5, does her grab and run, wolfs down her food and everyone elses, and turns into a shaken up can of Sprite when greeting you. But she's so sweet!  How could you not love her? One of the best decisions we have ever made.

Bella's Ride Home

Oh my gosh!  What the heck were we thinking? We hadn't bought anything major for the house in a really long time. This past weekend, and the previous, we more than made up for it.  It actually felt kind of good.  I'm a saver.  Almost to the point of frugality.  I'm not yet into saving butter wrappers but,...So between purchasing a bed, 4 bookcases, a  media cabinet for our bedroom, a mattress and boxsprings  for my daughter and a sitting room  chair we decided to visit the Atlanta Humane Society.  Well really, if truth be told,  HE wanted to visit the animal shelter.

My husband and I are animal lovers. The kids fell right in line.  When my husband and I first got married I couldn't stand not having a pet around. Instead of opting for a fish I decided on a cat.  We went down to the Atlanta Humane Society and came home with a cute cuddly kitten.  My husband didn't know much about cats.  I really didn't know much either but knew enough.  I thought a cat would be a perfect choice for the  apt dwellers that we were.   My husband thought it was a good choice because of a cat's lifespan. Somewhere along the way my husband was of the understanding that a cat's lifespan  was like that of a hamster, one or two years tops.   Once our first cat made it past the 5 year mark he started asking questions, questions he should have asked before the adoption.  Our first cat lived to be 17 and our second cat lived to be 21.

Day one, we brought her home to kids who had no idea we had fallen head-over-heels in love with this puppy. My husband held the puppy on the ride home.  She just snuggled right into the crook of his arm.  My husband melted. The puppy slept and made those sweet puppy noises. He said she was just so soft. She would occasionally reach up to give him kisses. The puppy didn't whine, bark or throw-up. Hmmm...  The perfect puppy.

 We decided to pull into the garage and waltz in with her as if she were just another package. Right before we pulled into the driveway I was running through that "mom list" in my head.  What all needs to happen to pull this off successfully.  The puppy should go to the bathroom before we take her in. Okay, not the bathroom but you get what I mean.  I remember this from others who told me of their puppy escapades.  Not too long ago, my son described it perfectly. "Mom, when Bella gets excited it's like shaking up a can of Sprite and then opening it". My husband was on puppy duty while I made sure the kids didn't come running outside unsolicited. Most of the time, my daughter in particular, will come out to the garage whenever she hears the garage door go up.  I would like to think its because she misses me but maybe she's afraid she'll miss out on something.  I don't know for certain.

So my husband is outside with our precious pup and I'm inside.  Sure enough both kids are downstairs ready to burst into the garage.  They begin asking their usual barrage of questions when all of a sudden we  hear shrieking. More precisely a puppy that sounds as if it were being bludgeoned to death. My first thought was the puppy had gotten loose and with in a matter of seconds got hit by a car.  The kids, standing right next to me, are also trying to figure it out.  I stood in shock for a second or two then flew out the door in hopes of finding something other than the conclusion my mind has drawn.  I left the kids inside, and told them to stay put, so that I could  witness this incredible and unexplainable sight.  My husband is standing in the garage with our sweet little puppy on a leash at his feet. In a calm almost trance like voice he utters,"Watch this."   As his hands reach down for Bella she turns on him sounding as if she wants to rip him apart. She has turned into this vicious attack dog.  I couldn't help myself. I laughed until I came close to peeing my pants. This little 5 pound puppy was trying to bite the crap out of my husband. She was reaching for whatever she could sink her teeth into.  My husband didn't think it was funny.  As a matter of fact he was terrified.  Not sacred of the little beast but scared about the decision we made to bring her home.  I was confident it was a fluke and she was just scared.  After all, my husband isn't the most patient.  I could see him trying to get her to go to the bathroom on his time instead of hers.  Maybe he tried to motivate her a little too much or maybe the darkness of night and the cool wet grass frightened her.  Either we haven't heard her scream anymore hank goodness.  She has settled in quite nicely with her family.  Now she is a part of our family.

Day 2 with our new addition.  At least having this puppy around is making my husband a little more cognizant of time.  He wants the puppy to sleep with him because the puppy is so cute and cuddly. Immediately I  agree. I know what he's in for. I go to bed earlier than he does. While I paddle off to bed I remind him that every 20 mins the puppy needs to potty. An hour later no bathroom break for Bella and what do you know?  She pees on the floor. Really?  This is shocking. The puppy has a bladder the size of a head of a pin.  My husband exclaims,"Well I just let her out!". Yeah, you did.  An hour ago.

This afternoon I'm talking with my parents on the phone.  Bella is in my bedroom with me.  The other two dogs were in need of a much deserved  Bella break. As I'm talking Bella is winding up.  She loves to do these quick grab and go episodes where anything in reach of puppy teeth gets chewed on.  My daughter used to say "Look how cute Bella is!" when Bella would take off with things.  Now Bella isn't so cute. So far she's grabbed my daughter's hair bows, lip gloss, tassels on shoes, pens and pencils and yes, even her homework. Now that I thought was kind of funny.  I told her I could write her a note that said, "Bella, our puppy, really did eat Shelby's homework." My daughter didn't see the humor. It's now been a month and a half since Bella's first night here. I think she's home. :0)

Remote Controls

Christmas vacation and I am forced into cohabitation with those I do not see very often. It is bittersweet.  I do love my family but once I get there I realize they have a different way of living. It affects me, more so than it normally would.   Secondly, it seems there is never enough space.  Everytime I turn around I bump into someone I don't want to bump into.  Lastly, the kids are bored unless they are with their cousins and even that, after a while, becomes old.  There is an overload of not just people and problems but also food, sleepless nights and trying to make heads or tails of it all.  


We really don't know how to behave around one another.  We aren't ourselves which is just plain uncomfortable.  Things that, on a regular basis,  don't make me nervous make me nervous now.  For example, at home I am the "go to" member of the family when we're talking electronics.  From phones to computers I can figure it all out with ease.  On the other hand,  I am afraid of the electronics at my parent's house. More specifically the remotes.  Deathly afraid.  I know, your asking why would I be afraid of a remote?  


First of all,  there are about 350 of them.  No really.  Secondly, the remotes are all different.  Just when you think you've found the remote to control the channels and volume you don't.  The cable remote only controls the channels.  There is another remote for the sound because it's surround sound.  At my parent's house there are 5 remotes per TV, 3 per DVD player, ... You get the picture. The remotes really need to be labeled.  I know, if I were a good daughter I would do it.  


I decided a long time ago to just avoid the remotes.  It's scary to think that the TV has the potential to explode if I press the wrong button. No really, stranger things have happened.  If it were just one TV that would be one thing.  There is a TV and 2 DVD players per room.  Let me rephrase that, a TV and 2 DVD players per room that isn't... Nevermind.   One time I accidentally touched the wrong button and zap, the screen went not just blank but went completely black.  I quickly escaped from the room.  My dad yells out,"Who was just in here?" I holler back, "I think I saw Susie in there Dad. You know kids."  


If something can go wrong when my parents are watching me it will.  

By the end of the week everyone is ready to hop back in the car for the 6 hour trip home to normal.  

A Family Christmas

Family dynamics are funny.  They are funny when you sit back and look at them but not too funny when you are living it.  Right now I am  living it.  

Every Christmas for the last 23 years my husband and I make the 6 hour drive to Kentucky to visit our parents.  During our stay we also see my brother's family and my husband's family.  We can't really leave behind our kids so they have joined us since they were infants.  My brother lives  5 minutes away.   He has two kids. One of my husband's brothers also lives in Kentucky.  He has an older brother that lives in St. Louis.  Their children are older and scattered.  They try to make it in for Christmas also.  As they get older,  and more of them marry and have kids,  the Christmas visits are less predictable.

My parents and my husband's mom live across the street from one another in the same subdivision.  They have for as long as we have been together.  Kind of crazy but tremendously convenient all the way around.  When the kids were little it was so nice to walk from one grandparent's house to the other.  It's convenient now because the kids can walk themselves and we don't have to worry.

Initially when my husband and I moved to GA we would could visit our folks Thanksgiving and Christmas along with other visits sprinkled in.  Now, as the kids have got older, we come up 3 times a year which includes Christmas.  

We stay at my parents house because it would just work out better that way.  We tried staying at his mom's before but there were just too many people in that house at one time for me.  To begin with, I am forced into cohabitation with those I have never lived with nor do I see them very often.  They have not only a different way of living, what's acceptable and what isn't.   Secondly, it seems there is never enough space.  Everytime you turn around you bump into someone you really don't want to bump into.  Lastly, the kids are bored unless they are with their cousins and even that after a while becomes old.  

By the end of the week everyone is ready to hop back in the car for the 6 hour trip.  Also on the way back the kids plug in and all is well.  It's a little on the sad side but everyone is happier with this type of closeness.  

Empty House

I was a bit perplexed at what transpired today. I was, I have to admit, looking forward to today. This would be the first day the kids and husband would go back to their routines of school and work. I had planned a day filled with yoga, writing, going through job listings and catching up on the household stuff. Shortly after the kids were off to school I had breakfast and got a shower. From there I was on my way to yoga.

 The drive to the yoga studio is only about 25 minutes and is so worth it! News interrupted the music on the radio to let me know the interstate was a mess. Yes the same interstate that I take to get to yoga. There had been a major accident. I decided to go the backroads. It would take longer but who knows how long I would have been on the interstate. I was determined to get to class but in the back of my mind I had a slight suspicion that I would not make it in time. I was right. By I time I got there yoga had already started. I decided to run a few errands instead.

After that I was almost looking for things to do to fill up a space. That empty space was where my family was. After being together for 8 days straight it was a little harder than I thought to give them up.

Sleeping In

I remember when the kids were little. They are still younger but no longer little. My teenage son would sleep till noon if he could and my daughter is sleeping in more and more. It's kind of nice. Up until they were about 6 or 7 they would wake at the crack of dawn. The only thing on their minds were racing each other downstairs to the TV. First one there gets to pick the show. Not any longer. They are both maturing, realizing there is more than one TV in the house. The change is bittersweet though. More time is spent away from one another. I guess that's just how it goes. Occasionally we sit down for a family game. Those are nice. Last night it was a card game, spoons. A lot of fun. Some good memories!

Tis the Season

I read an interesting article today in Yoga Journal regarding interactions with family.  Perfect timing because as the holidays approach many of us, including myself,  will be in close proximity to those we call family.  This article suggested that we look at this time together a little differently.  "What can I learn from that person?" is what we need to ask ourselves instead of "Why am I getting so annoyed?"

My first thought was actually more than one thought.  "Are you kidding?  What could I possibly learn from _______.  How about a lesson in what not to do?"  I'm sure we've all been there.  There is the family member that tries to "one-up" the others, the family member who loves to see fault with everything, the family member who is so laid back it's irritating, the family member who just sits back, the family member who forgets there are other members who may not share his/her harsh judgement and you get the point.  For some people they might not have an issue with any of this and for others it is stressful.  So, what do you do? 


 Usually I take  a deep breath and try to melt into the couch, wall, or wherever I happen to be at the time.  I choose to not deal with it. This isn't helpful because the next time  I have to do it all over again.  The article offered up another solution.  Try to find something about the person to celebrate.  By finding the good in someone you become compassionate toward them and then your relationship changes and ultimately you look at all relationships differently.    Whatever you dislike in someone is also present in you. What???  Seriously??I really took the time to think about it and found that it is totally true.  Most of the time I don't reveal these traits but I do have my moments.  Remembering this is key.  


I have been known to try and "one up" others, convert others to my way of thinking, procrastinate and openly judge others.  I'm sure some people are just as stressed out when I'm in the room.   If you don't find this kind of communion in your own life then you aren't looking hard enough.  Trust me.  After reflecting, I could probably complete a book based solely on things I do that I condemn others for doing.   


There is a lesson(s) to learn in every relationship if you just dig a little deeper.  You will thank yourself for it later.

I'm a Wanna-Be Fixer

Being at peace with an "issue" is a whole lot easier when those involved are not close to you. I am of course speaking of difficult issues.  Issues that could be prevented or resolved with a change in thought.

  I come from a long line of "wanna-be" fixers.  I want to help "fix things" in other's lives but at times I'm  a bit afraid to voice my opinion.  Whether I voice my true opinion or not depends on how the person is behaving in that moment.  For example, if they come to me complaining about this, that or the other thing, and it's something they can do something about,  I first determine their tone.  An angry tone is one in which listening skills should be applied first. Also if this person is one who poo poos all of my thoughts, suggestions, ... they are not going to get my true feelings but they will hear what they want to hear.  I am in no way shape or form a conflict seeker.  That to me would be confrontational.

On the flip side are those who  may not even ask for my opinion but I, on the other hand,  feel compelled, or comfortable enough with them,  to give it.  This is especially true if it's something I feel strongly about or if I can see their decision is not within my ideas of what is right and what is wrong.  Nevermind that the ideas I have may be different, but no less damaging, than theirs.

This level of comfort is usually only found in the relationship I have with my kids.  After all, haven't I earned the right and am I not obligated to let them know when the path they are on is not a good one?  Maybe this feeling of having earned the right to lead them is because I gave birth to them, I fed them, bathed them, ... They need direction and more specifically they need to know what should be happening instead of what is happening.

When they stray I let them know they better pick another option because the one they are thinking about choosing or the one they chose isn't the best.  I need to work on my delivery though.  It's hard to let them make mistake after mistake without getting frustrated enough to use the, "I told you this was going to happen.  Why didn't you listen to me?  If you had listened to me, and actually did what I said,  you could have avoided this whole mess."   I'm also trying to get it into my head that I need to settle myself down before embarking on that part of the lesson, realize that I would not want to be spoken to like that and do more listening than talking.  The most important clue into this whole puzzle is that what is happening is not a mistake.  Whatever the difficult time,  there is a lesson in there somewhere for all involved.

It's really hard to watch other family members and friends do the same.  I try to put myself in their shoes and respond accordingly.  It's difficult though when you miss the mark on understanding or just plain can't figure out why they are doing what they are. I need to work on just asking them why they do what they do but many times the conversation can get defensive and then the confrontation begins.  I'm definitely not good at responding to conflict in any shape or form.  The moment I can sense that things are headed in that direction I head in the other.  I either deflect or run.  What do you do?

It's Expired!!!

Okay, I know that sometimes I am totally guilty of not throwing things out when I should, food that is. Actually I don't throw out the other stuff  but donate it. Anyway,  I do sometimes forget to go through the pantry and the fridge to make certain things haven't passed their prime. Occasionally there is the furry fruit or  green cheese.  One thing is for certain, I will check a prepackaged item's expiration date,  that's just one aspect of my quirkiness.


I've always been the one to check the expiration dates on items I, or my kids, may potentially eat.  I'm not going to eat something that has gone too far beyond that date in bold.  My thoughts are they, the manufacturers, put a date on the product for a reason.  Sometimes it's because it would simply taste a little better before that date and other times the date means don't consume it for other reasons.  I don't know, maybe it could turn rancid or turn into other things.


   My husband, on the other hand, was apparently born in the 30's.  He swears that date is stamped on the product to speed up your purchases.  It's a conspiracy.   The date to him means nothing regarding whether a product is good or bad. 


 What originally set me on my path to "eating more cautiously," as I like to call it,  began many years ago.  My parents had the same attitude my husband does.  Growing up, I use to think it was completely disgusting to find a food item that had expired the previous year.  Since then the years have started piling up and so have the expired products.  


Just recently my retired parents went away on a much longed for trip.  They would be gone an extended amount of time.  I don't live nearby but my brother does.  He happens to feel the same way I do about expiration dates.  Over the holidays, when I'm back in town, we make a game out of finding the oldest prepackaged food.  We usually hit pay dirt at least twice during the week. 


Today he  stopped by mom and dad's place to check on a few things while they were gone.  They needed him to make doubly sure that nothing was left in the fridge, or other places, that could go bad or had already turned that corner. Amazing isn't it? While he was helping out he thought he'd play a solo game of "It's Expired!" He began poking around and  not too long after that I received a text with pictures.  Following is what he came up with 

Pesto from 2006

BUT the winner is-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peppermint Extract from...... drum roll please.......
1966 !!!

I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard.  My parents would have just said,"Oh Pam," as in "Good grief. What is the big deal?" Really,  I guess it's not a big deal as long as I don't have to eat it:)