Tis the Season

I read an interesting article today in Yoga Journal regarding interactions with family.  Perfect timing because as the holidays approach many of us, including myself,  will be in close proximity to those we call family.  This article suggested that we look at this time together a little differently.  "What can I learn from that person?" is what we need to ask ourselves instead of "Why am I getting so annoyed?"

My first thought was actually more than one thought.  "Are you kidding?  What could I possibly learn from _______.  How about a lesson in what not to do?"  I'm sure we've all been there.  There is the family member that tries to "one-up" the others, the family member who loves to see fault with everything, the family member who is so laid back it's irritating, the family member who just sits back, the family member who forgets there are other members who may not share his/her harsh judgement and you get the point.  For some people they might not have an issue with any of this and for others it is stressful.  So, what do you do? 


 Usually I take  a deep breath and try to melt into the couch, wall, or wherever I happen to be at the time.  I choose to not deal with it. This isn't helpful because the next time  I have to do it all over again.  The article offered up another solution.  Try to find something about the person to celebrate.  By finding the good in someone you become compassionate toward them and then your relationship changes and ultimately you look at all relationships differently.    Whatever you dislike in someone is also present in you. What???  Seriously??I really took the time to think about it and found that it is totally true.  Most of the time I don't reveal these traits but I do have my moments.  Remembering this is key.  


I have been known to try and "one up" others, convert others to my way of thinking, procrastinate and openly judge others.  I'm sure some people are just as stressed out when I'm in the room.   If you don't find this kind of communion in your own life then you aren't looking hard enough.  Trust me.  After reflecting, I could probably complete a book based solely on things I do that I condemn others for doing.   


There is a lesson(s) to learn in every relationship if you just dig a little deeper.  You will thank yourself for it later.

I Love Fall!!

For me there is nothing like the heart of fall. I love being in the middle of it.  Here in Georgia fall doesn't last long enough for me.  Right now, in this brief period of time, is when I take the time to reflect and make changes.  Sometimes it means starting over. I like to take the time to see what is working in my life and what isn't.  I also look at what can I do something about and what doesn't need as much of my attention. This helps me grow.  It's kind of like weeding the garden.  Every once in a while things get overgrown, or out of control.  All I have to do is take the time to take a look.  What is weighing me down?  What have I been putting off?  Have I paid enough attention to my spiritual life, my husband, my kids, my pets, my family and friends?  Do I need to make some changes?  Do some relationships need work and do other relationships not require so much work?  Am I focusing on the right things? What is really important?  Some really deep questions but really only one question really needs to be asked and then everything else will fall into place.  Am I doing things from a place of love, happiness and joy?  If I am not then maybe I no longer need to be doing it.  I wish I could apply this to the laundry, cleaning up dog messes, kids messes, my messes, ... 

Self-Sabotage

Why is it that we set ourselves up? It would be nice if someone could tell me why.  I not only see it in myself, I have witnessed it in my husband, son, daughter, and brother as well as anyone else I come into contact with.  We are aware of it but do nothing about it.  Okay, maybe not everyone is aware but I know I am.   It is a conscious choice that I make.  It's almost as if I'm drawn to it.  I cannot quite decide if it's a comfort thing.  What is that saying,"Better the devil you know than the one you don't."  That carries with it a scent of insanity.

My husband and I were having a conversation about this very thing.  We were talking about the comfort some find in abusive relationships.  Sounds nuts but people stay in these relationships out of fear.  It may not come from the same source that you think it does.  They are afraid of what their life would be like without all of that craziness.  In that relationship they know what's going to happen.  To break out of that relationship is difficult because it's the unknown.

You can apply this theory to anything.  For example, I have a son who somewhat consistently sets himself up for failure.  He's a good student but every semester he does something to sabotage his success.  It's not that he didn't give it his all on a particular project, paper, homework,.. he didn't do anything in some instances.  A zero on a project tells me, tells his teacher and tells himself that 0 was done.  We've been through all of this before.  At least 4 times since the 5th grade.  He's now in the 8th grade.  He knows better.  I know that compared to the previous example this is not as volatile or is it?  It stems from the same thing and sets him up for failure every time.  After talking with him he let me know that  he was afraid. If he were to turn into that straight A student, which he is perfectly capable of, how would he be treated differently?  How would this affect him?

 I can say the same thing about myself and my struggle with losing weight.  I would like to drop 20 pounds but what would that mean?  Obviously that would require more exercise, less food and a better attitude but although that's scary that isn't the scariest thing.   For 5 years I've been in the cycle I'm in of on again off again exercise, eating okay most of the time and wishing that I was thinner/more in shape than I am.

  It would be difficult to change and do I really want to?  If I did, what else would change?  How I'm received by those I encounter on a routine basis would change for a little while but how I'm treated in public, especially in retail stores,  would change more permanently.  Believe it or not I have lived the truth of that one in particular.

Why would I decide that I have had enough of the extra weight and then within an hour devour 3 different snacks?  Not all of them are horrible snacks but bad enough because I'm not hungry.  Everything I know goes out the window in that moment.   Later, upon reflection, I realize that it's emotional eating.  I'm taking a break from feeling because I don't want to feel.  Feeling is hard and it is so draining.  Eating when I'm not hungry, on the other hand,  doesn't start out exhausting but it definitely ends that way. On top of feeling like crud, the feelings I was trying to avoid come back to me even stronger and louder than before.  That's when my mood shifts as well and I start attacking the ones I love.

Self-Sabotage is just easier for some. We already know how-to go about it.  Some of us are pretty good at it.  What are your thoughts?

Meant to Be

I just realized, at that moment, that we were meant to be together.  Even the times when we haven't gotten along so well;  we still managed to make it through to the other side.  After all that we've been through,  we've still managed to find that comfortable place each time.  It comes with such ease. No thought.  We come together to share.  Easy. Easy like the choice between staying in your bed when you can, sleeping in when you can.  A knowing that when your head hits the soft pillow you just want to stay there.  Comfortable,  like a cup of tea first thing in the morning or right before you go to bed.    Like getting lost in a kiss or a touch.  It's surrendering to the moment. Surrendering to what is.