Remote Controls

Christmas vacation and I am forced into cohabitation with those I do not see very often. It is bittersweet.  I do love my family but once I get there I realize they have a different way of living. It affects me, more so than it normally would.   Secondly, it seems there is never enough space.  Everytime I turn around I bump into someone I don't want to bump into.  Lastly, the kids are bored unless they are with their cousins and even that, after a while, becomes old.  There is an overload of not just people and problems but also food, sleepless nights and trying to make heads or tails of it all.  


We really don't know how to behave around one another.  We aren't ourselves which is just plain uncomfortable.  Things that, on a regular basis,  don't make me nervous make me nervous now.  For example, at home I am the "go to" member of the family when we're talking electronics.  From phones to computers I can figure it all out with ease.  On the other hand,  I am afraid of the electronics at my parent's house. More specifically the remotes.  Deathly afraid.  I know, your asking why would I be afraid of a remote?  


First of all,  there are about 350 of them.  No really.  Secondly, the remotes are all different.  Just when you think you've found the remote to control the channels and volume you don't.  The cable remote only controls the channels.  There is another remote for the sound because it's surround sound.  At my parent's house there are 5 remotes per TV, 3 per DVD player, ... You get the picture. The remotes really need to be labeled.  I know, if I were a good daughter I would do it.  


I decided a long time ago to just avoid the remotes.  It's scary to think that the TV has the potential to explode if I press the wrong button. No really, stranger things have happened.  If it were just one TV that would be one thing.  There is a TV and 2 DVD players per room.  Let me rephrase that, a TV and 2 DVD players per room that isn't... Nevermind.   One time I accidentally touched the wrong button and zap, the screen went not just blank but went completely black.  I quickly escaped from the room.  My dad yells out,"Who was just in here?" I holler back, "I think I saw Susie in there Dad. You know kids."  


If something can go wrong when my parents are watching me it will.  

By the end of the week everyone is ready to hop back in the car for the 6 hour trip home to normal.  

A Family Christmas

Family dynamics are funny.  They are funny when you sit back and look at them but not too funny when you are living it.  Right now I am  living it.  

Every Christmas for the last 23 years my husband and I make the 6 hour drive to Kentucky to visit our parents.  During our stay we also see my brother's family and my husband's family.  We can't really leave behind our kids so they have joined us since they were infants.  My brother lives  5 minutes away.   He has two kids. One of my husband's brothers also lives in Kentucky.  He has an older brother that lives in St. Louis.  Their children are older and scattered.  They try to make it in for Christmas also.  As they get older,  and more of them marry and have kids,  the Christmas visits are less predictable.

My parents and my husband's mom live across the street from one another in the same subdivision.  They have for as long as we have been together.  Kind of crazy but tremendously convenient all the way around.  When the kids were little it was so nice to walk from one grandparent's house to the other.  It's convenient now because the kids can walk themselves and we don't have to worry.

Initially when my husband and I moved to GA we would could visit our folks Thanksgiving and Christmas along with other visits sprinkled in.  Now, as the kids have got older, we come up 3 times a year which includes Christmas.  

We stay at my parents house because it would just work out better that way.  We tried staying at his mom's before but there were just too many people in that house at one time for me.  To begin with, I am forced into cohabitation with those I have never lived with nor do I see them very often.  They have not only a different way of living, what's acceptable and what isn't.   Secondly, it seems there is never enough space.  Everytime you turn around you bump into someone you really don't want to bump into.  Lastly, the kids are bored unless they are with their cousins and even that after a while becomes old.  

By the end of the week everyone is ready to hop back in the car for the 6 hour trip.  Also on the way back the kids plug in and all is well.  It's a little on the sad side but everyone is happier with this type of closeness.  

Pandora, Pandora!

I have yet one more thing to say about Tis' the Season and then I'll be quiet.  Well, okay, maybe two things but one for now.  It's about giving gifts to our children. Parents with more than one child, moms in particular,  always try to keep the total dollar amount spent on our children even, especially at Christmas.  Christmas is the one gift giving moment that it's easy to compare gifts, one sibling to the other. 

If one child asks for a "big" gift, and we decide to buy it, and the other child didn't have a "big" gift on their radar then they get enough smaller gifts to equal the bigger gift.  This year that is what happened.  By "big" gift I mean expensive.  It may also be big in size but it's always expensive.  My son wanted an PS3.  Those aren't cheap so that was his "big" gift.  My daughter, on the other hand, didn't have "big" items on her list.  She had 2 or 3 medium sized items.  His "big" gift was $350.00, not including games and another controller.  We decided that because he wanted it so much we,  along with his grandma and aunt,  would go in on it.  It also wasn't just a gaming system, he would also have to have another controller and a game.  What would a game system be without a game?  Our part in that gift was roughly $250.  


At first glance the most expensive thing on her list was a Vera Bradley purse.  The purse would be roughly $45.00.  After I bought the purse and some other things to try and equal things out, I saw that she had Pandora on her list.  Now I wasn't that familiar with Pandora.  I did know it's popular and kind of expensive.  My daughter talked about it a lot. While out Christmas shopping I decided to go into this boutique.  The shop sold baby and toddler clothes plus some jewelry, namely Brighton and Pandora. I still had to get my daughter about $50.00 worth of something to "make it even." I decided to check out Pandora.  


There was tray after tray of goodies all varying in size and color.  So many different charms that my eyes were beginning to glaze over. Actually I think there is something in those trays that hypnotizes you.  I began to get sucked in.  I had to do something so I took my eyes off of the trays and opened up a Pandora catalog that was sitting on the counter.


  I don't know if this is a common thing but the trays of Pandora jewelry I was looking at did not let you know how much the items were. The catalog, however, did tell you.  Seeing the prices of the various pieces was all it took to snap me out of it.  Holy Cow!!  I had no idea.  That could have been her "big" gift but now it was too late. The necklace alone was $78.00.  Then I thought, "Well, I could get her just the bracelet without a charm."  I thought she would like the necklace better though so I decided against it. 


 As I turned around to tell my husband my discovery, sheepishly telling him that I had made a mistake,  what to my wondering eyes did appear but an assortment of Brighton to brighten the year.  I had no idea!!  Brighton carries jewelry that looks like Pandora for almost half of the cost.  "Big" gift issue was an issue no longer.  I picked out a necklace and a charm to go with it. Yeah!!!  I was proud of myself but in the back of my mind Pandora kept singing out to me, "You made a mistake!"  "You made a grave mistake!" In my moment of self-absorption,  I tucked that thought away.  

That thought returned December 25, 2010 around 5:30.  I heard the kids stirring.  They emptied their stockings and we waited until 7 before the battle of the Christmas wrap began. One after another after another gift was unwrapped.  Then came "the gift."  She unwrapped it with careful abandon, took it out of the Brighton tin and looked up at me.  She knew.  She knew it wasn't Pandora.  She just said," Oh."  That was enough for me.  That's when I began to beat myself up.  I should have just bitten the bullet and bought the Pandora but I didn't.  Yikes, what have I done.




In the end it was all okay and she forgave me.  I know it sounds like she's spoiled.  She really rarely asks for anything and when she does it isn't much.  She's a good girl.  All she wanted was Pandora.  Well, she does have a birthday in about 6 months :0)

The Party's Over

The gifts are unwrapped, the cookies and cakes have been eaten and the goodbyes have been said. We looked forward to it and now it's Christmas past. The traveling is over as well as the junk food binges. It's time for detox. That's what I like to call it. It's not just a nutritional detox though but a detox for the soul. 


Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the childhood roles that you were used to playing. When you go back home it's automatic, unless you remain completely aware of everything that contributes to a moment. That is very difficult to do. At least it is for me. Whether you are the mother or father, son or daughter, oldest or youngest, in-law or ex sometimes those roles are comfortable.  I didn't say good for you or anyone else.  It's easy to slip back into the role that everyone knows you in.  Sometimes they even help you.  It is hard to see what you are experiencing for what it is when you are caught up in it.  


What is your role in a situation, discussion or circumstance you find yourself in? Take a minute to really think about it. We all play a part it's a matter of recognizing it for what it is. So when you take down those decorations, ... just put away those roles.  Make that your New Year's Resolution :0)


Enjoy all that the holidays have to offer!!!

Tis the Season

I read an interesting article today in Yoga Journal regarding interactions with family.  Perfect timing because as the holidays approach many of us, including myself,  will be in close proximity to those we call family.  This article suggested that we look at this time together a little differently.  "What can I learn from that person?" is what we need to ask ourselves instead of "Why am I getting so annoyed?"

My first thought was actually more than one thought.  "Are you kidding?  What could I possibly learn from _______.  How about a lesson in what not to do?"  I'm sure we've all been there.  There is the family member that tries to "one-up" the others, the family member who loves to see fault with everything, the family member who is so laid back it's irritating, the family member who just sits back, the family member who forgets there are other members who may not share his/her harsh judgement and you get the point.  For some people they might not have an issue with any of this and for others it is stressful.  So, what do you do? 


 Usually I take  a deep breath and try to melt into the couch, wall, or wherever I happen to be at the time.  I choose to not deal with it. This isn't helpful because the next time  I have to do it all over again.  The article offered up another solution.  Try to find something about the person to celebrate.  By finding the good in someone you become compassionate toward them and then your relationship changes and ultimately you look at all relationships differently.    Whatever you dislike in someone is also present in you. What???  Seriously??I really took the time to think about it and found that it is totally true.  Most of the time I don't reveal these traits but I do have my moments.  Remembering this is key.  


I have been known to try and "one up" others, convert others to my way of thinking, procrastinate and openly judge others.  I'm sure some people are just as stressed out when I'm in the room.   If you don't find this kind of communion in your own life then you aren't looking hard enough.  Trust me.  After reflecting, I could probably complete a book based solely on things I do that I condemn others for doing.   


There is a lesson(s) to learn in every relationship if you just dig a little deeper.  You will thank yourself for it later.