Help Me! I'm Drowning!

I just need a little air.  I'm not asking for much.  Just enough.  I know how to get air, I just need to breathe.  Right now even the act of taking in air seems insurmountable.  This is where my faith in God, my faith in something greater than I am, should be found.  If I don't have faith that everything is happening to better my life then I will be consumed.  Consumed by my own created mountain. I'm sure you all have felt this way.  Feeling so overwhelmed by the perceived bad and that which is unknown.  I wish I could consistently let go but it's hard.  I get caught.  Stuck in the same hole.  Reacting the same way and hoping that will change things.  I know it won't. I know I need another way.

Open Yourself Up

We have opportunities everyday, every moment. The thing I'm looking forward to the most in 2011 are my opportunities.  My opportunities are endless and it's what I do with those opportunities that shape my life. This is true for everyone. If you choose to do differently your life will be different. It's up to you. God, the universe or whatever you call it, provides those gifts to each one of us. What are you going to do? I am intentionally choosing to remain open to the possibilities. I'm excited!!

Tis the Season

I read an interesting article today in Yoga Journal regarding interactions with family.  Perfect timing because as the holidays approach many of us, including myself,  will be in close proximity to those we call family.  This article suggested that we look at this time together a little differently.  "What can I learn from that person?" is what we need to ask ourselves instead of "Why am I getting so annoyed?"

My first thought was actually more than one thought.  "Are you kidding?  What could I possibly learn from _______.  How about a lesson in what not to do?"  I'm sure we've all been there.  There is the family member that tries to "one-up" the others, the family member who loves to see fault with everything, the family member who is so laid back it's irritating, the family member who just sits back, the family member who forgets there are other members who may not share his/her harsh judgement and you get the point.  For some people they might not have an issue with any of this and for others it is stressful.  So, what do you do? 


 Usually I take  a deep breath and try to melt into the couch, wall, or wherever I happen to be at the time.  I choose to not deal with it. This isn't helpful because the next time  I have to do it all over again.  The article offered up another solution.  Try to find something about the person to celebrate.  By finding the good in someone you become compassionate toward them and then your relationship changes and ultimately you look at all relationships differently.    Whatever you dislike in someone is also present in you. What???  Seriously??I really took the time to think about it and found that it is totally true.  Most of the time I don't reveal these traits but I do have my moments.  Remembering this is key.  


I have been known to try and "one up" others, convert others to my way of thinking, procrastinate and openly judge others.  I'm sure some people are just as stressed out when I'm in the room.   If you don't find this kind of communion in your own life then you aren't looking hard enough.  Trust me.  After reflecting, I could probably complete a book based solely on things I do that I condemn others for doing.   


There is a lesson(s) to learn in every relationship if you just dig a little deeper.  You will thank yourself for it later.

Don't Worry Till it Comes

                                     

Since reading several books by Eckhart Tolle and Gary Zukav  I have tried to take what they have said to heart.  I have changed my life, more specifically my outlook on life and what is important to me.  I used to be a big worrier.  I worried not only about the past, present and future of my own life but worried about everyone else's life as well.  If they did not think they had a problem well then I'm sure I could find something. I wouldn't disclose it  but instead would carry it around with me.


  On top of the worry rested perfectionism.  An ulcer was the physical result of the self-created stress. Daily I was reminded of the physicality of it all not only because my stomach hurt but I was always so tired. At the time I didn't see those things as being related. I hated living that way but didn't recognize I could do something about it.  I could never eat a normal diet.  Quite frankly I didn't know what to eat so I didn't eat much.  Now I certainly don't have that problem and perhaps have overshot the mark. Back then I was young and I made the choice to rest the world on my shoulders and it was literally eating me up inside.


Since that period of time I have slowly graduated to taking life a little less seriously.  Even in situations that could be, and usually are, perceived as tumultuous,  I have had moments of not thinking about whatever it is.  I got pretty good at releasing the obsessive thought and replacing it with focusing on the present, directing my attention on whatever I was engaged in at the time.  In my adult years I have had a lot of practice.   Recently my pattern of thought started shifting back.


Yesterday afternoon I  missed a phone call and the person had to leave a message.  The message was simply," This is Gloria at Northside.  I need for you to give me a call back."  Northside is a hospital that I went to last week for my annual mammogram.  The drill is after several days they call you back with the results.   Normally if they do not reach a patient they leave this message "Your mammogram came back normal.  See you in a year."  The message she left for me just told me to call back.  That was a little unnerving. Two years ago I had a recalled mammogram, which is a very technical way of saying they needed a better picture.  That mammogram came back normal.


Before my mind went to the "C" word I decided to take a couple of breaths. Instead I focused on my drive home.  I looked ahead at the road, the trees, the sky,  and then my thoughts drifted down to  my body.  How did my body feel against the seat?  How does the steering wheel feel in my hands?  Does the seatbelt seem too constricting across my chest?  My chest.  Will everything be okay?  What will they find?  At that moment I realized my foot felt a little light on the accelerator.  I looked down at the speedometer and sure enough I wasn't even traveling the speed limit.  It even took me a minute to realize where I was on the drive home.  Scary!  I made myself refocus.


I know this will probably not end up being breast cancer but in the event that it does I have made my mind up that I cannot waste my energy on that kind of negative brain activity. I'm going to do my best to push the toxic thoughts away and fill up that space with the present.  I'll deal with things as they come or at least I'll try.

Trusting Your Instincts

I just got back from a very powerful workshop on trusting your intuition. How do we know when we should trust how we feel about a person or situation? Thinking of trust reminded be of the Angel Oak Tree in South Carolina. This was one place I wanted to go to go on our short trip. As a matter of fact I felt drawn to it and I'm ever so grateful we made the time to go. Angel Oak is reportedly over 1000 years old. Until visiting I didn't really know what it felt like to be 100% sure of something. The Angel Oak was strong, seemingly indestructible, and yet very comforting. My instincts that said I needed to go visit this magical place were correct. We either choose to trust our intuition or we do not. We make a decision at that point to either agree to continue in the direction we are headed or we decide to do something differently. How do we know we have made the right decision? There are many clues that help us along the way but we must choose to recognize and accept those gentle, and sometimes forceful, nudges we get. You know what is best for you but you cannot live your life solely by that. If you have been given hints along the way but chose to ignore them then that is your choice and you have chosen your path. It is yet another life lesson you need to learn. After tonight's workshop I got the message that I need to trust people less and investigate more. I investigate everything else. Why would I chose to accept everything someone tells me? If I did choose to investigate and the information was not what I expected, nor wanted, what would I do with this revelation? Maybe that is the issue for me. If the information was damaging to my impression of the person would I use that information or discard it? The information does not change but sometimes my perspective does. I need to open myself up for options. We should all learn to use the tools we have available to us. These tools help us make wise choices because these choices ultimately affect our life. These choices easily lead us down our path or lead us to another life lesson. Everyone has life lesson(s) and the sooner we learn them the easier life becomes. That is how we learn and grow and grow and grow.