Friday, January 13, 2012


I don't really know what it is.  Is it the fact that he moves so slow that you can't even tell he's moving?  Is it the fact that he doesn't place things in the priority that I do?  Like making sure assignments are turned in at school.

He continues to do things the way he wants to do them. I know this because I am notified of this.  Parents who live in the county, have access to their students grades.  Grades and absences are provided for students in elementary school through high school.  You can also have the school shoot you an email if a grade drops below a certain threshold or if the student is absent or tardy.  This is an excellent way for parents to stay in touch with the school and on top of what's going on with their student.  It's helpful but there are periods of time I feel as if I'm being assaulted.  Sometimes it seems like a never ending dictation of where his priorities are.  Really!!  He doesn't miss class so how could he have an NHI (needs to hand in)? If you studied,  how could you make a 50% on a test?  The thing is he is an honor roll student.  He pulls a rabbit out of his hat right before progress reports or report cards come out.  I know, I know.  He gets things done his way.  He is finding his way.  I, in the meantime, am pulling my hair out.  I also know I'm not alone.  I've tried taking things away but he's 15.  There isn't a whole lot I can take away because the things I think matter to him really don't matter to him.  

Is it the fact that cleaning to him is rearranging things on his bathroom counter.  Sometimes he makes me crazy!  No, really. I removed his hamper from his room because his dirty clothes end up a foot in front of his hamper. Why have a hamper if you don't use it?  I guess he just didn't have the time to flip up the top of the hamper to toss things in.  Oh wait, his hamper doesn't even have a lid. Essentially it's a basket.   He could be playing basketball.  All he has to do is toss the clothes in.

Trash can?  Who needs a trash can in your bathroom when there is a big one under the bed.  You wouldn't believe what I have found under there.  There are remnants of Halloween 2010, I'm sure of it.  I vowed I wouldn't clean his room anymore.  What I mean is clean it my way.  I know, that sounds awful but I actually dust furniture and the floor and use cleaning products. I take care of the tub and toilet, wipe the dog's  nose prints from his windows and stop to pick up the remaining clothes off of the floor.  Actually I have stopped doing these things, for the most part.  I have, however, stopped doing his laundry so either he is doing his own laundry or he's wearing clothes that really should be laundered (yuck!).

There are moments, however,  that are utter bliss.  When I come home from grocery shopping,  he regularly comes out to greet me.  He comes out not just to see what's going on but to help me unload all of those groceries.  We are a family of four so there are a lot of groceries.  Additional trips to and from the car are required. I don't even have to ask and I can tell he doesn't mind.

 There are moments when he comes to me knowing that I need a hug.  He might need one too,  but he seems to sense when I need one.  He gives the most genuine hugs!

There are moments when he consoles his younger sister.  He lets her know that everything will be okay.  He also tries to stop her from doing things he doesn't think she should be doing.  It's so comforting to know that he truly has her back.  The day before they might have been ready to rip each other apart.

 There are moments when he speaks what is on his heart. One moment like this was when he told me he doesn't like school.  He doesn't like the way kids treat one another at school.   I told him that all he can do is be concerned with how he treats other people.  He said,"I know mom, but it's hard to watch."  It brought tears to my eyes.

He really is a good kid.  I should be thankful that he is a beautiful soul and not make the little things my priority. What do you think?


  1. It sounds like you have given him the confidence to be independent of you. Success isn't always all it's cracked up to be! I help university students and some are thousands of miles away in China and so I can only encourage and advise them. I say things like I'm busy tomorrow when I think they are procrastinating and putting off work until the last minute. I tell them in a round about way that they are on their own if they leave their assignments until hours before they have to be handed in. It doesn't always work but they tend to get extra time anyway. I'm a victim of my own success, one of them was going to study at my local uni but now thinks a 'better' university will be appropriate. I'll see what happens!

    1. Hi Mike! Good luck and I appreciate your feedback!

  2. Hi Pamela, I found your post through bloggers helping bloggers. I don't have kids of my own, but I do remember feeling like I knew how I needed to get things done. I always got my work done and didn't miss much of school, but when I wanted to I did and I made sure I wouldn't get in trouble. I was always very careful. I guess I had the what-they-don't-know-can't-hurt-them attitude. I firmly believe that this is just a stage. When I got older I sought my dad out for advice and was willing to listen to it when it came to my mom. It was just time to be open-minded, and this will happen for you. In the meantime, do a little more talking to him and let him know how he makes you feel (in the way that he tells you how students at school make him feel), he may see things in a different light.

    1. Hi Dennis. Thanks for the honest feedback. I do believe he'll outgrow it. As I said, I think he is a compassionate human being so I just need to hang in there and as you said, express to him how what he does makes me feel. I'll check out your blog. Take Care!