Thursday, February 23, 2012

Wardrobe Malfunction: Check Yourself Before You're Exposed

Down Dog
Yoga Lessons:


Lesson #1: Stay in the moment and quiet your mind. Focusing on yourself you will not be your worst enemy. 


Lesson #2: If it hurts, you should not be doing it.  It is one thing to push yourself a little, it's another thing to be HeMan.


Lesson #3: Do not wear any perfume


Lesson#4: If you are late, do not disturb meditation at the beginning of class.  Wait until after meditation before opening the doors and entering the studio. 


I love yoga.  I will do anything to be able to go to yoga.  As usual, I'm rushing to get to yoga.  I should say lately I've been rushing. If someone were to ask me, "Why do you think Pam is late to yoga?"  My standby theory is, "If they want to do something they will do it, they will be early or on time, they will not make excuses."  My behavior kind of blows this theory of mine.   I don't think my tardiness indicates my level of enjoyment.  I do enjoy yoga.  I like everything about yoga as a practice.  The studio is awesome, the instructors make me want to come everyday and I don't want to leave, the atmosphere is inviting, the classes are just what I need.  It's just been this past year that I've been running behind by 5 minutes, give or take.  I'm trying to make it seem less damaging.  At least I arrive before meditation.  I'm getting there just as everyone settles in,  so I'm good.


I know that I have at least 5 extra minutes.  My yoga instructor usually gets us nice and relaxed by telling us a story.  He truly has the best stories.   Not only does he teach yoga but he also teaches piano and he writes music.  He used to cut hair.  I'm sure you can only imagine the stories he has.  It's funny though because his best stories are about him.  My daughter goes with me to yoga when she has a day off from school.  She goes to hear his stories.  He doesn't tell his stories then.  That fact just occurred to my daughter after our last visit.


Okay, so I blame my tardiness on getting my kids off to school, the long traffic lights, the pokey drivers, the unexpected school zones and farm equipment.  I'm usually eating breakfast, a bowl full of yogurt with berries, in the car.  I don't know what's gotten into me.  I just need to pay better attention to the clock.


I also need to pay better attention to what I wear to yoga.  I don't have enough of the right kinds of clothing for all of the bends and twists.  My pants scoot down before I can catch them and my top gets twisted and pulled down so far that I'm flashing the instructor as well as anyone else not "in the moment."


On this particular day I was, as expected, running late to class.  As I dressed, I realized way too late that my top was too short and my yoga pants were not quite long enough.  Maybe it had something to do with those martinis? I got to class just in time.   We finished our meditation and began our salutations.


Sun salutations are a continuous and very fluid movement.  I struggled with this.  Every lunge I was tugging on my top and my pants.  Of course I was in my place in class.  The front left position was the one I claimed.  I really wish I hadn't done that.


Forward bends, back to down dog, to plank, forward bend, over and over again.  The last forward bend into down dog had me off balance and trying to reclaim hips distance as best I could.  As I spread out my stance I hear threads popping the same time I feel air coming in.  Air is almost flooding into my behind. 


 Now, if my top was long enough I would have done a pull down and cover.  Another choice would be to tie my fleece sports jacket around my waist.  No, wait!  I was running late so in an attempt to shave off 2 minutes I decided not to run back into the house to grab my jacket before I left.  


Okay, so I'm in down dog, exposing myself yet again, only in ways I never could have imagined.  The really sad part is I waited a while before coming out of down dog because I thought the cool breeze had to have been coming from somewhere else.  I was in total denial.  That couldn't possibly have happened.  It sure did.


I made a quick exit to the bathroom where low and behold the seam had split in the most compromising of places.


Yoga lesson #5, always check your attire before coming to class.  Just like in a gym you inspect your equipment, in yoga you need to inspect what you are wearing.



One Hot Body

Okay, today was a new experience for me.  It was my first body wrap.  Normally a body wrap wouldn't even be on my radar but Sweet Jack shot me an email and the discounted price was too tempting.  I called to schedule my appointment.  The man on the other end of the line sounded very professional although a bit robotic.   You know, like your typical inside salesperson.  He also sounded a bit harried so I didn't ask a lot of questions.  "It wouldn't be a traditional wrap.  It will not be a nude wrap.  Drink extra water, ...."


 Immediately, after wishing him to have a good afternoon, my mind went into "What's it going to be like?" mode.  When my mind jumps there I'm literally  trying to calculate what it will be like down to the parking situation.  I know the person on the other end of the phone could answer my questions but some of the questions would definitely pinpoint my quirks and other questions would zero in on areas that are just naturally revolting.


I try to always be prepared, period.   I am prepared.  Every detail is laid out in my head and on paper, especially if it is a place I haven't been to before, a job interview, ...  I'm okay with change as long as I can prepare.  That is how I cope.  


I don't think most people are this way.  I actually go to the extent of visualizing myself in a particular situation just to see what I might need.  It's the physical needs I'm concerned with.  For example, when I first ran across this deal, I thought I wouldn't be able to do it.  The reason?  When I get hot, I get really hot.  No, I mean REALLY HOT.  I have been known to pass out due to the heat. It has nothing to do with how hot the temperature is outside.   I have passed out in Best Buy and I came within a millisecond of dropping to the floor at a very crowded funeral. 


So now I'm paying to be wrapped in heat. Dear God, help me!


TO BE CONTINUED...

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