Saturday, June 23, 2012

Gym Class Hero - NOT (PT 2): I'm On Fire!

Okay, let me start from where I left off yesterday. I now have a trainer.  This is my first day and I'm thinking we, the trainer and I,  are just going to sit down, get to know one another, have a drink and set some goals.  WRONG!  

He tells me there will be a very basic workout today so that he knows where I'm coming from.  Good Lord I could have told him.  I come from nothing.  Well that is a little bit of a lie.  I do practice yoga.  

When he laid out the game plan for today I thought, "No problem." Here is what he had in mind:

  5 minutes on the treadmill (warmup), squats, sit-ups, pushups, chin-ups and I'm done.  

5 minutes on the treadmill was a piece of cake.  I was walking at 3 MPH at a 5% incline.  Not bad.  I'm feeling good!! Then off to the side of the gym, in full view of everyone. Okay, now I'm nervous.  He demonstrates the sit-ups. Legs in butterfly position and all the way back and all the way up.  There is a wedge in place to assist at my backside.  Only 20 right?  Well, 20 felt like 50.  It was harder than I thought it would be. 

Next up squats.  40 of those. Thank goodness the squats came second on the list.  I managed to do those but I think the last...oh...15 were not so good. I'm sure I could have bent my knees a little more but I wanted to be able to stand back upright. My thighs were on fire by the time we got to 10. 

Push-ups?  I don't think I have ever done a "real" push-up.  Ever. This was crazy.  5 push-ups in and my belly drops to the ground as I try to push my body up.  I'm sure it was a sight. Kind of like those horses in the pasture that either aren't taken very good care of or they are a little past their prime or both. I did a little better than I thought. Of course they were "girl" push-ups.  When he mentioned girl push-ups I was a little bit insulted. 

Lastly?  OMG the chin-ups.  He takes me back into the CrossFit room.  Seriously???  I couldn't even finish the warmup from the Insanity program.  It's a DVD program I have at home. At home, sitting on the shelf.  I thought about getting P90X but then pinched myself before I got sucked into the infomercial.   "CrossFit is like P90X on steroids," as the owner explained to me the day before. I couldn't even imagine.  

We are back in the CrossFit room and he is demonstrating how to do a proper chin-up on the bar.  He rethinks this and breaks out this large rubber band.  He loops the band around the bar so that I can use it to help lift me into the air and up above the chin-up bar.  He explains that by putting my foot in the center of the band and crossing my other leg over in the front, the band will support me in such a way that I will be able to pull myself up.  It just reminded me of a huge archaic sling shot used to launch artillery in time of war.  I guess it depends on how you look at it.

"My foot goes where?"  Got that squared away and now the other leg crosses over and up I go.  I did go up but had absolutely no control over which direction.  My leg shot up between his legs.  My god how embarrassing!  I steady myself and pulled up.  I think I even let out a little grunt.  My body went nowhere. I came no closer to the top of the chin-up bar.  The only thing that was closer to anything was my foot to his crotch.  No seriously!

Without a word, he grabs the mother of all rubber bands to help me achieve this goal of getting my chin above the bar.  He's not giving up so I guess I shouldn't either.  This band is about as long as the conveyer belt at Target and as thick the tires on my car.  I drive an Expedition.  It has larger than normal tires.   It was too much.  I almost lost it.  Scary thing was I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.  Now I really have to do it.  

He adjusted the belt and moved out of range, in case the thing catapults me into him or into the next room, and I was in business.  I managed to crank out 2.  Yes, 2.  Better than 0.  

I went home feeling good even though I was a little sore and embarrassed.  The next morning I woke up and thank goodness the bed sits up really high.  I used my agility skills then.  I had to roll myself off of the bed and onto the floor.  I was on my feet, but I didn't think about bending again until going to the bathroom which unfortunately I do every morning.  

Somebody was playing a joke on me.  Someone had lowered the seat.  I had to use my hands on both sides of the seat to help lower me down.  Handle bars that the elderly and disabled use really would have come in handy today.    Thank goodness I brought my cell phone in with me.  Texting or calling for help might be the only option for removal. I did manage to use the walls to help support me.  

For the next 3 days I cursed that trainer as well as cursing myself for not wanting to show any weakness.  I got through it all though :0)  Keep your eye on the prize!

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