Saturday, November 13, 2010

A Balancing Act

Yesterday was progress report day.  One of our kids brought home his progress report and knew he would be in trouble because of what the report showed, no progress. He was in a horrible mood then and woke up in a horrible mood.  

That morning the way he left for school didn't sit well with my husband.  My husband isn't used to seeing the kids off to school.   By the time they are ready to head out the door he is long gone and almost to the office.  He has missed the hugs and the "I love you and have a good day" departures but he has also missed the tears, the frustration and the indifferent attitudes.  I've become pretty good at letting that stuff roll because it is a quick process.  Usually when they decide to get upset it is right before they walk out the door to go to school.  I also do not seem to have a problem with getting drawn into a situation already in existence.  If my husband and son are sorting through things and it begins to get heated I can assist but I've  realized that it has nothing to do with me. It will be okay.  My husband, on the other hand, takes it to heart which changes his mood.  When my son left down in the dumps on that morning he took my husband with him.  I hate seeing that.  My hope is that someday both of them will learn to recognize that they are responsible for how they feel.  Then I hope to realize that I am responsible for how I feel too.

I am the resident Libra and my role is to make certain everyone is in good spirits.   I can't help myself.  I don't like  to see anyone unhappy for any reason.  I also don't like it when there is conflict.  I try to do my part in dispersing the conflict but sometimes that doesn't happen.  Okay, if I really want to be honest there aren't many times that that happens.  

I would like to be brave enough someday to conduct an experiment. What would happen if I handled the conflict differently?  Right now what happens is I begin to feel the situation shift into an unknown area.  I don't necessarily know where its going.  What if I said to myself,"Okay, things are out of control but it doesn't involve me."  If I could just get a handle on being okay with feeling that things  are in a jumble and it's still okay.  To me it isn't appropriate.  I need to validate my own feelings.  I validate everyone else's feelings so why not my own?  

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